First, my apology to my readers.

Somehow, my Daily Memphian email address has been lost somewhere in cyberspace. In a strange cosmic coordination with not one but two gazillionaires playing in near space for several minutes, my email returned. Seems I was missed. You guys not only care about what I have to say, some of you have colorful suggestions about how I might spend my time and places I might go to spend it.

Keep it coming to dconaway@dailymemphian.com. And keep the comments coming to anything and everything in The Daily Memphian. While you might not be delighted with all we write, we’re all delighted you’re reading it.

Conaway: State of Tennessee’s in a state of denial

Next, and related.

Yesterday, my laptop fried.

No, really. When I tried to restart, the little white bar stopped about a third of the way across and the computer made the sound of an egg frying. And kept making it even as I pushed any number of keys. Even after I closed it. Even after I begged it to stop. Even after I yelled at it.

“Yeah,” my Apple guru, Ryan Goudy, said after I laid it on a table in his office as one would lay a loved one on a gurney in the emergency room, “that’s the fan trying to complete the command and failing.”

“Failing?” I whispered, not wanting the laptop to hear me. “Yeah,” he said, “over and over.”

Now and then, you have one of those days.

Now and then, friends send me observations and commentary. Some in the form of signs or memes they’ve seen, some worthy of sharing, some of those acceptable in mixed company.

Now and then, I share a curated collection of those because, now and then, smiles are in order. In fact, more often than not, smiles are in order.

Like today.

Other than a few of my own, most of today’s offering was passed along by friend Gene Katz, retired financial adviser and actor, and active raconteur and sage. His and my warp is roughly the same, formed by experience, shaped by overexposure to annoying people, and tempered by time spent with interesting and sharp-witted friends.

Opinion: We need the sharpest pencils in the drawer

A thought or two on cray-cray:

My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness. I said, “No, we all seem to enjoy it.”

Insanity doesn’t run in my family. It strolls through taking its time getting to know everyone personally.

Elsewhere, people put their crazy relatives away. Down here, we put them on a swing on the porch and talk to them.

A couple on technology:

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, “close enough.”

Beware of smartphone zombies.

While most questions are directed to someone in Mumbai, Mumbai seldom has the answer.

Opinion: And yet, I love my city

On general health:

Losing weight doesn’t seem to be working for me, so from now on I’m going to concentrate on getting taller.

Eat cake. The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap.

I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the refrigerator.

It’s strange how drinking eight glasses of water a day seems impossible, but eight cups of coffee go down like a chubby kid on a seesaw.

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The rest if the bottle is for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

I’d grow my own food if only I could find bacon seeds.

Exercise makes you look better naked. So does Scotch. Your choice.

On aging:

Went to an antiques show and people were bidding on me. But not much.

I won’t say I’m worn out, but I don’t get near the curb on trash day.

I don’t have gray hair. I have wisdom highlights.

I don’t trip, I do random gravity checks.

My body is a temple, ancient and crumbling, perhaps cursed or haunted.

Retirement to do list: Wake up. Nailed it.

Traffic signs I’ve never seen but must be all over Memphis:

Speed up. You got this.

Signals are for cowards.

Lanes are suggestions.

No fishing in potholes.

The aforementioned exposure to annoying people:

Some people are like clouds, once they disappear it’s a beautiful day.

Some people you’re glad to see coming; some people you’re glad to see going.

Common sense is not a gift; it’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

Random personal observations:

Remember second-year Latin and Caesar — veni; vidi; vici — I came; I saw; I conquered? These days, I came. I saw. I forgot what I was doing. Retraced my steps. Got lost on the way back. 

Sometimes it takes me all day to get nothing done.

Hold on while I overthink this.

Please keep your distance. Nothing to do with COVID. I might bite.

At my funeral, take the bouquet from my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who’s next.

Opinion: A road trip from Memphis to Memphis

And finally for this edition, this from my wife Nora in the car yesterday:

Ever wonder who house sits for house sitters? Steven Wright would be proud.

And as for the laptop, don’t send any cards or bring me any casseroles, it’s fine. In fact, it’s better than ever — scrubbed of demons, revitalized, and backed up with two terabytes of memory — evidently a pant-load. I myself am down to a single byte of memory.

Turns out, the day produced more to smile about than one might have thought.

I’m a Memphian, and now you can return to your regularly scheduled programming.